


Anxious Boredom

by aquarius_ruler



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Drabble, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, M/M, Nationverse, Teen for language, i just got back into writing and ameliet was my otp since like 2012 soooo, slight angst, this takes inspiration from whats currently going on but I don't explicitly state it so good luck, uhh idk what this tag means but we're doing it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23921602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquarius_ruler/pseuds/aquarius_ruler
Summary: With everything going on, Alfred needed something more to do. Too many things reminded him of Toris and the relationship they once had. What better way to pass time during isolation than to call up a past fling?
Relationships: America/Lithuania (Hetalia)
Kudos: 8





	Anxious Boredom

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all, thank you for taking a gander at this drabble. I haven't written stories in a long time, I've mainly been writing academic papers so forgive me if I am out of my element. I recently started to get back into Hetalia and my love for AmeLiet was reignited, so expect more from me, maybe. 
> 
> headcannons: nations feel what their people feel, so as the people get sicker the worse off a nation feels

Anxious Boredom. 

That’s the phrase that comes to mind when describing what Alfred was going through at this current moment. He has tried his best to stay indoors, but the internal panic simply gets to him. He cannot stay still for long.

His body had been strewn across the couch for over three hours. He had been scrolling through social media on his phone for most of it, occasionally looking up at the TV that had been playing something in the background. Either way, he wasn’t paying attention and he just wanted to pass time. He already did the repairs around his house, addressed the nation several times, answered phone calls, made phone calls, took up knitting, made at least one crock pot dinner, bought a new video game, poured hours into said video game, mowed his lawn, mowed his neighbor’s lawn like a month ago, organized his desk, messed it up, reorganized it again, and still he found nothing entertaining. He knew staying in was the best thing, but damn if he wasn’t ready to risk it all and browse the ice cream aisle for a fun new flavor.

He continued scrolling, half heartedly paying attention when he saw a post from someone familiar. Toris, a once close friend and representative of the Lithuanian nation, had posted a picture of part of his windowsill. The windows were open so a nice view of his garden could be seen. The bushes he had posted about earlier were green and beautifully trimmed. If Alfred knew one thing about Toris, it was that he enjoyed taking artistic photographs for fun. He felt a slight ache in his chest when he realized he was smirking. Of course, Alfred knew these little quirks by heart. He and Toris had a couple of flings, but it wasn’t anything super serious. At least, he told himself that whenever he felt this way. They didn’t leave on a sour note, more like a note without much closure. There was heartache, but he didn’t know if Toris felt the same. It was hard for him to do much around the house when so much reminded him of what he once had with Toris. 

Somehow, Alfred found himself searching through his contacts. It would have been childish of him to delete Toris' personal number, and he had done it once or twice, but he wasn’t childish enough to keep it deleted. They might have work in the future, such as now. Well, it’s not really work, but it’s a nation’s duty to check in once and a while.  
The FaceTime option wasn’t available, but he wanted to talk face to face. Maybe there was another app, like Zoom or something a lot of people are using for meetings. Was this considering an official meeting? Could he play it off like that? 

“Hey, wanna chat?” he typed the text quick and sent it over. Typically, he doesn’t think about things like this much. He glanced at the time he sent the message. He completely forgot they were nine hours ahead, but Toris could look at his phone any time he wanted. He didn’t need to reply right then. Alfred put his phone on the back cushion of the couch to try and forget he had sent anything. What could he do now to pass the time? Maybe he could play that game again, or maybe he could make something to eat. He was getting hungry after all. But what was there to make? He had some time now so he could make just about anything but what was he craving? Something salty, sweet, something light, heavy, some-

His phone signaled he got a new notification.

He quickly snatched it up and looked. Thank God, it was a reply from Toris. 

“I was about to turn in for the night, but I suppose I can spare a moment. A phone call?”

Alfred didn’t think he would respond so readily.

“I was hoping we could video chat? This social distancing thing is rough haha”

But what could they use? Afterall, he had an iPhone and Toris had some kind of android. They don’t really communicate well.

His phone froze for a second and a screen came up from his messenger app. Video call from Toris. He didn’t realize that app did video calls. He quickly tapped the green button to answer.

“Wow,” Alfred laughed, “I didn’t realize this did video calls.” He positioned the phone above his head so he could see Toris’ face.

“I thought you would say that,” Toris’ laugh could be heard from the other end, but the screen was pretty dark. There was a little bit of illumination from his end, but you couldn’t really see anything from Toris’ screen. There were a few moments of silence when Alfred could hear rustling from the speaker.

“Hey, its been a minute. What are you up to?” He said.

“I did say I was turning in for the night. I am getting up to turn on a light. There we go,” 

Suddenly, Toris’ face was on the screen. His emerald eyes were squinting, adjusting to the light. Alfred didn’t know if it was just the picture quality or if Toris had finally developed noticeable crows’ feet. He was quite a bit older and had been through a lot more.

A lot more. Alfred’s mood slightly turned, remembering when he found out about Toris’ past. He remembered the night the Soviet Union fell, and Toris knocked on his door for support. He remembered back in the 1920's when he had his first real visit, and feelings first took hold. He remembered all the stories from the old days, when Lithuania and Poland had a marriage bonding the two nations and how Toris would speak of those times. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Toris’ slightly accented voice pulled him back to reality.

“Oh, um, uuuuuuh, how’re you holding up?” Toris looked at him with a slightly puzzled look, which turned into amusement.

“I am doing fine for right now. Minor aches, but I have found things to keep busy that do not cause much strain.”  
Alfred was all too eager to reply, “I noticed you posted a picture of your garden, it looks awesome! I know you said something about the new plants you had out there earlier and so it’s cool to see that’s working out for you.”

“Yes, I have spent a lot of time out there lately,” Toris had walked out of his room and gone into the kitchen during the conversation. As he spoke, Alfred noticed that Toris wasn’t fully paying attention. He was rummaging around in a cupboard, looking for something, “How are you lately?”

Alfred had a big grin on his face, “I’m doing okay surprisingly, some digestive issues and some pains but honestly I’m doing fine,” that was a lie, he had been sicker than a dog, but Alfred kept going, “We’re just chillin’. I had a microwave burrito yesterday for breakfast before I started on my yardwork and I decided, you know, I have like extra time right now, so I made it in the oven instead. It tasted so much better and it was well worth the forty-five minutes to make. Today I tried a different flavor, but the instructions just told me to like microwave it anyway and then broil it in the oven. I was kinda shocked but totally down to try it, and it still tasted great, so like, all in all we're doing okay over here. I’ve also been playing some games, did some repairs on a few things, and I’ve been doing tons of virtual meetings lately, so like it’s cool. I haven’t had this much time off to do things in forever, haha!”

Toris had found a cup and filled it with something as Alfred talked. Alfred didn’t really notice when he sat down at his dinning table and propped his phone up, but he kept talking,

“I mean it’s like I’ve had so much to do lately and I’m getting it all done and even stuff I didn’t know needed to be done. I kinda miss getting a haircut but I’m kinda digging the hair right now. Like I can almost pull it back into a ponytail, I mean, hell yeah. But I have run out of most major things on my list to accomplish so, you know, looking for stuff to do.”  
Alfred finally took a breath and noticed Toris’ robe. It was draped around him so loosely, as if he jumped out of bed just to call him. His body was cocked to the side, where he obviously was crossing his legs. Toris sipped on his drink. It reminded Alfred of the times they would sit outside and watch the sunrise. It was the perfect temperature for them to just sit on his porch, drinking a cup of coffee. Toris would cross his legs sometimes when he felt comfortable, open, and safe.

“Whatchya drinkin?” Alfred asked, having lost his train of thought.

“Ah, just some water. It is best to stay hydrated.”

“Yeah that totally sounds like you,” Alfred didn’t think about his next question, “Hey, do you still drink your coffee black?” As soon as it came out he felt a tinge of pain and embarrassment. 

It took him a moment, but Toris finally responded, “Yes, but lately I have been putting in a dash of half and half. It tastes good but not something I would do every day. I would say it is more of a treat, or at least something for when I am in the mood.”

“Expanding your tastes, I see!” Alfred laughed, hoping Toris didn’t think anything by it. 

“Yes, I expect to do that as we grow and change. I am glad you are doing well, I know how hard it is for you to sit still sometimes, and I can imagine that this is not helping.”

“Boy you said it. It’s so hard living alone right now its like, unbearable. Honestly, I was totally okay with living alone until you showed up and it makes it that much harder,” Alfred was still chuckling, not realizing he was blurting things out, “I mean, it would be so much better with you around!”

The air turned stale as Alfred slowly realized what he had just said. Thinking back, he had said a lot of embarrassing things throughout this conversation. His face started to heat up. Toris just looked at him and took another sip. 

“Alfred,” Toris’ voice still managed to sound sweet, “Why did you call me exactly?”

Oh god, he finally caught on. 

“I, uh, er, I just, well, I wanted to see how you were doing and uh-“

“Alfred, I think you did the equivalent of texting your ex to see what would happen. Am I wrong?” Toris only cut people off when he was serious, and his expression said it all.

Alfred knew his face was turning even redder than before. His chest began to ache and his throat tightened. He drew in a large breath, 

“That was not my intention, dude. But I would be lying if I didn’t say I got to thinking. I mean, what happened to us? We just kind of stopped twenty years ago. The fall of the union tore you apart and I was here, I mean, just don’t understand! I loved you! And we just, like, stopped!” It took everything in his power not to cry. He wasn’t an angry crier, at least, not very often. He didn’t think as he kept going, “And I just have been thinking with all this time I have, and everything reminds me of you. I still have your favorite mug from back then. I have every present you’ve ever given me and every time I do anything I just see something from you. I mean, it just hits different, you know? I see the shirt you got me for my birthday and, like, I can’t even wear it! You went back home after the Winter Olympics I hosted and it was like, that was our last date, dude. This is the first time we’ve really talked in, what, years? We’ve only seen each other briefly for meeting and stuff. I really did want to call just to talk but I realized how much this hurts. Seeing you."

He no longer felt like crying. Instead he felt more like just shouting, “My economy is collapsing, my people are dying, and all I am doing is sitting here talking to you! But I just can’t do anything, and maybe if I fixed this, I wouldn’t be alone. Maybe if I talked to you I could get over it or like, I don’t know, shit would just get better.”

Toris continued looking at his phone, at Alfred, and occasionally sipping. He seemed so calm. Did he even care? Alfred sighed and closed his eyes. His lips tightened in a straight line. He was breathing deeply and slowly lowering his phone to his stomach.

“Alfred,” Toris called his name with such poise. He loved and hated the accent, especially right now. He opened his eyes and groaned in confirmation.

Toris drew in a large breath, “Thank you for sharing those things with me. I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I had no idea it hurt you that bad. To be honest, I had a feeling this is why you wanted to talk.”

Alfred sat up from his position and moved his phone on the cushion next to him. He took his glasses off and grabbed a piece of his shirt to wipe off where a small amount of tear drops had dried. 

“You did, huh?” He repositioned his glasses and propped his phone up so he wouldn’t have to hold it. Toris had shifted now, his legs were no longer crossed and he was leaning onto his table. He was staring intently at Alfred, and his head hung low.

“Yes. To be honest I was hoping to get a chance to call. You know, this has affected me, too. I didn’t hear a happy birthday this year from you.”

“Shit,” Alfred averted his gaze slightly. He had completely forgotten; with everything happening, there was no way that was on the forefront of his mind. He felt like it should have been, and his stomach seemed like it was doing gymnastics.

“Of course, I know a lot has happened over the years. I want you to know I have loved every moment we have spent together. But things get busy, we’ve had a lot here and I know you’ve had a lot there over the years. We nations just stop speaking sometimes. It wouldn’t be the first time,” Toris’ voice lowered. Alfred understood what he meant, “I just look forward to the times I do get to spend with you. I know there will be many in the future. Maybe, one day, I can try coffee with a little bit of sugar next time.”

Alfred’s shoulders jiggled as he smirked, “Yeah, there’ve been a few cool coffee shops that have opened all across the states. We could do a tour and just go bar hopping but like, for coffee shops. There’s one state that even has these soda places that, like, they mix flavors and stuff in and make a whole new drink.”

“I would love that.” Toris’ smile could light up a room, and Alfred was relieved to see it. His smirk turned into a goofy smile.

“So like, we still good?” Toris nodded and stretched his arms out. His head lowered down, but he continued to smile.

“Yes, Alfred. We are still good. I am sorry our lack of communication put you through that. I’ll remember to keep in touch more often. Although, I’ll say one thing. We do talk more than that. We have talked many times over the last year. I saw you on your birthday, remember? We also talked a few months ago, planning a trip, and some other things,” His voice started to get lower as his mouth sunk further into his arm, “We haven’t stopped dating, it’s been on hold.”

“If I can’t remember then it totally doesn’t count,” Alfred watched as Toris’ eyes slowly began to close, “If I’m going to have another microwave burrito I need to talk to someone about these changing instructions. They’re basically the same burrito, I mean, come on. Why they gotta do me dirty like that?”

Alfred watched as Toris dozed off; it reminded him of the times he would come home and Toris would be sleeping at his desk. He longed for times like that again, but the fact that Toris instantly replied meant something. It meant that what they had wasn’t over. There were plans for the future. 

Everything felt so bleak. So hopeless. Alfred craved physical touch, and he wanted nothing more than to hold Toris.  
But that couldn’t happen. At least he knew he wanted it.

“Toris?”

Alfred watch as the pile of brown shifted and Toris face emerged.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“Of course. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I would like to sleep.”

Alfred laughed a little too loud.

“Yes, yes, please do.”

Toris nodded his head. He reached for his phone to end the call.

“Hey, wait.” Alfred had one thing to say, “can I say I love you?”

Toris smiled sheepishly in response. 

“I love you too. Now good night.”

“Night.”

Toris ended the call and Alfred sat in silence. He felt a little better with the promise of another date. It was kind of silly for him to get worked up like that, but he was glad Toris listened and let his emotions fly. His screen told him that they had spent almost two hours on that conversation.

Alfred flopped back on the couch into the same position he was before. 

That took only two hours. What else could he do to pass the time?


End file.
